So, here we are. It's October and I have NO IDEA where this year has gone. My days are filled with Homeschooling and doctor's appointments. I think I will attack the Fibro/CFS first. This year has been up and down with my illnesses. Due to costs of Medications and frustruations as to whether they truly work or not, I PERSONALLY made the decision at the beginning of the summer to wean myself off of most of my medications. For those of you considering this option, FOR ME this was a horrible decision. I really didn't realize just how much worse things could possibly get for me. I found myself unable to get out of bed for long periods of time because of the pain. I couldnt walk to the kitchen to fix myself something drink. Basically, I couldn't take care of MYSELF! I found myself in a very DARK Place. Depression was overwhelming and so was the desire to keep living. Who really wants to live another day when they can't even do the basic things in life. I remained like this for months until one weekend no matter what I did, my heart rate remained in the 30's. I felt like I was truly knocking on deaths door. I finally reached out to my doctor and said I can and will not do this anymore! You HAVE to HELP me! After many tests I am back on medications that seem to have me on the right track again. At least I have gained my will to live. I am seeing light through this dark tunnel. I remain in PAIN EVERYDAY, but I am fighting to keep going.
What I have learned along the way is that many people "try" to sympathize with you, but no one really understands and I'm not sure many of them really care to understand. After all, all you have to do is Google and you have all the information you need. Hmmmmm....My point exactly! I often wonder how many of my family and friends have actually done the research to better understand. The biggest thing for me that I have lost is my Social Life!!! I use to be the social butterfly and NEVER missed an event or a night out. That all changed when I started getting sick about 6 or 7 years ago. I gave it up. After all, I was having to cancel on people left and right and most of the time I found myself not wanting to be around anyone because of the anger I had inside of me regarding peoples lack of understanding. Im Slowing trying to get my life back on track and Im reeling my friends back in one at a time that I have lost thru the years. No, I may not be on the dance floor partying with you, but I can certainly drag myself there so I can laugh and talk and be a part of Life. Just know that when I slip out the door it's not because Im not enjoying myself but I have hit my energy limit and Im going to crash if I dont get home. lol My bed is ultimately my BFF. LMBO
To those of you that have stuck by my side and are pulling me out of this house, I THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart!!! Even to the NEW friends that I've met along the along the way when I was at my worst and still accepted me for me who I am.
So, this is where I am today. Spending time trying to build relationships back up and spending my days with my Children who are my WORLD!
