Let the Adventure Begin

Let the Adventure Begin!!!!!! I know I am keeping you all in suspense......but that's part of the fun of it. More info to come!

Let me catch you up to date....lol

                                                   God is Good!

I know I am NO GOOD at keeping up with this blog. However, BEWARE........When I do write, I spill my heart and Soul. Vow Renewal was the Most Special Moment between Steven and I. I will Cherish it forever. God CAME THROUGH and I have witnessed a Miracle in our Marriage. He was preparing us to appreciate what he was about to do in and of our lives. I believe there are a lot of things to be learned from our situation. Right now, I have friends who just don't quite understand how a situation could seem so OUTRIGHT WRONG and then all of a sudden, it is AMAZING!!!!!!  Well guess what? I would have to question you in whether or not you TRULY BELIEVE that our God is strong enough to perform MIRACLES. He didn't just perform them in the Bible folks....He still DOES!!!! You just have to believe. My heart actually goes out to those who have NOT YET accepted my decisions I have made. My prayer is that in someway God will speak to YOU. I KNOW that I am right where I NEED TO BE! No marriage is ever perfect and if you tell me it is, I'm going to call you a liar....Truth is, You will NEVER find perfection on this earth as long as you are a Child of God. There are days when I have to be the backbone and there are days when the roles are reversed. Now that's what I CALL A PARTNERSHIP!

My health these days...Well if you read Facebook you will see that it's an up and down roller coaster ride. I Really would like to stop riding it. lol Just have to get to the point of acceptance that this NEW LIFE that I have and the NEW ME that it has created. I no longer have the same abilities and talents that I use to....BUT I have NEW ONES! :)  I have facebook friends that are fibro fighters right along with me and to those of you who get sick of the Fibro education Posts that I make or the Health updates that I make, Well.......Not going to stop so you can delete on ladies and gentlemen. It is my Mission the rest of my life to NOT STOP Promoting all of these Chronic Illnesses that so many people are uneducated about. We need the public to know and understand. Awareness is POWERFUL! It can also lead to new discoveries and treatment options. I'm also very open about my life so that others can see that there REALLY IS an up and down ride from day to day. My intention is not for you pity. My intention is not to complain. My FULL INTENTION is so that others can read my struggles and KNOW that they are not alone in their own, Because so many people bottle up their feelings and problems in life. It helps to KNOW that you are not alone. It's also for prayer requests because I believe in a Powerful God who answers ALL prayers in his own timing. Not necessarily in the way we want them, but they are NEVER ignored. Also, you have no idea what just a simple kind word to someone does and how it can dramatically affect their day. They may be suicidal because of the overwhelming PAIN or STRUGGLE and you just gave them a REASON TO LIVE. Just a little word of encouragement goes a long way.

On to the next agenda. Only my closest of closest friends/family will understand this part. Others can just skip over. LOL  As you know I have had to make some very Serious Judgement calls recently. PLEASE continue to pray for me and my family. I need the STRENGTH to fight this emotional tug of war that I am in. I know the differences in right and wrong......but it hurts when you are dealing with people that you care about or have cared for. Just know that you don't always KNOW people the way you think you do. Even after years and years. I am beginning a battle that may take years to overcome and a lifetime to get over. I know that God will hold my hand all the way through and I know that it MUST be done even though it hurts me to the deepest of my core being. However, part of Justice is taking back your power that was stolen from you. I will end on that note. Just know that I am praying for sooooo many of you my dear friends and family. I Love you ALL!

 

 

A Beautiful Start

So, It's been FOREVER again since I have written to catch everyone up to date. But here we are and here goes... I moved in with family several months back to get myself "Emotionally" stable, my life has made MANY twists and turns. Things I NEVER saw coming... God had AMAZING things in store for me. I NEVER realized that I had been living a double-life so to speak. Over the past few months, I have been forced to face situations and feelings in my life that I have been harboring with me for YEARS! I never realized just how much garbage and junk I have been carrying around with me and bringing in and out of relationships. Most of all, I have realized just how much affected my relationships with people have been influenced by all of my mistakes, sins, and garbage. I Loved God, but still wanted to "control" my life, so to speak. I never fully gave God the steering wheel so I could COMPLETELY live under his will and NOT MINE! I have faced my mistakes as a friend, as a mother, and as a wife. I am a guilty party and have been brought to my Knees begging God for Forgiveness. Now, with that said....I know that I can not bring any guilt into my future, but I am extremely thankful that God allowed me to see and feel all of it so that I would NO LONGER continue these patterns and mistakes in my life. It has also been layed upon my heart just how much other people influence our lives and how much we as humans affect the lives of others on a daily basis. Whether it is in there reaction to you in a particular situation or how our lives can and are an example for others.
I have been on a JOURNEY OF A LIFETIME of healing, learning, forgiving, letting go and I am now a "New Creation"! I am sooooooo thankful that God NEVER turned his back on me and that he was actually with me the whole time. I just couldnt hear his voice because I was so bogged down in my garbage!!!! Now I can HEAR HIM LOUD AND CLEAR! Never again will I choose my desires or my opinions over Gods will in my life. I feel FREE and WANT TO SHOUT IT TO THE ROOF-TOPS! God has allowed many people to be REMOVED from my life in order to accomplish just what he wanted to accomplish in ME! At first, I was hurt, alone, devastated, and didnt understand. But now I SEE he HAD TO in order to get me where I am right now. PRAISE GOD! I have seen and FELT MIRACLES in my life. I just want to tell everyone about it because God is REAL people!!!!! He loves you and CAN WORK MIRACLES in your life if you ALLOW him to! With all that said, God is not finished with me and never will be. There is something that I have to do TONIGHT in facing my past. I have to VISUALIZE it and I cant go into any further details with that. TOMORROW is my anniversary. Everyone knows my husband and I are seperated, but we are still going to see each other tomorrow because there are things that need to be said and faced. I know with every fiber of my being that God will SHOW ME CLEARLY which fork in the road I need to take....I also know that while God is working in me he is also be working in the lives of others involved with me. My prayer is that I make the RIGHT decisions that I have to face in the near future. I also hope that God blesses whomever decides to read this and that something said in this will help them in whatever situations/problems they are currently facing. If God desires to use my situation as help and and blessing to others then I am extremely thankful. Promise to update everyone with the final results in my life Restoration!

My Saga Continues

So, here we are. It's October and I have NO IDEA where this year has gone. My days are filled with Homeschooling and doctor's appointments. I think I will attack the Fibro/CFS first. This year has been up and down with my illnesses. Due to costs of Medications and frustruations as to whether they truly work or not, I PERSONALLY made the decision at the beginning of the summer to wean myself off of most of my medications. For those of you considering this option, FOR ME this was a horrible decision. I really didn't realize just how much worse things could possibly get for me. I found myself unable to get out of bed for long periods of time because of the pain. I couldnt walk to the kitchen to fix myself something drink. Basically, I couldn't take care of MYSELF! I found myself in a very DARK Place. Depression was overwhelming and so was the desire to keep living. Who really wants to live another day when they can't even do the basic things in life. I remained like this for months until one weekend no matter what I did, my heart rate remained in the 30's. I felt like I was truly knocking on deaths door. I finally reached out to my doctor and said I can and will not do this anymore! You HAVE to HELP me! After many tests I am back on medications that seem to have me on the right track again. At least I have gained my will to live. I am seeing light through this dark tunnel. I remain in PAIN EVERYDAY, but I am fighting to keep going.

What I have learned along the way is that many people "try" to sympathize with you, but no one really understands and I'm not sure many of them really care to understand. After all, all you have to do is Google and you have all the information you need. Hmmmmm....My point exactly! I often wonder how many of my family and friends have actually done the research to better understand. The biggest thing for me that I have lost is my Social Life!!! I use to be the social butterfly and NEVER missed an event or a night out. That all changed when I started getting sick about 6 or 7 years ago. I gave it up. After all, I was having to cancel on people left and right and most of the time I found myself not wanting to be around anyone because of the anger I had inside of me regarding peoples lack of understanding. Im Slowing trying to get my life back on track and Im reeling my friends back in one at a time that I have lost thru the years. No, I may not be on the dance floor partying with you, but I can certainly drag myself there so I can laugh and talk and be a part of Life. Just know that when I slip out the door it's not because Im not enjoying myself but I have hit my energy limit and Im going to crash if I dont get home. lol My bed is ultimately my BFF. LMBO

To those of you that have stuck by my side and are pulling me out of this house, I THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart!!! Even to the NEW friends that I've met along the along the way when I was at my worst and still accepted me for me who I am.

So, this is where I am today. Spending time trying to build relationships back up and spending my days with my Children who are my WORLD!

Oh My Has it been a LOOOOOOOONG Time!

I had no idea it had been this long since I have blogged anything. WOW Im so ashamed of myself. LOL Time flies when you are in misery everyday. I didnt realize until my friend set up her blog and I logged on to check it out. I promise that before this weekend is over, I will catch everyone up to date. Until then, Loves to all! Christie

One of the Joys in my Life!

It's been quite some time since I have written an update on my life and the feelings of my life, So here goes...

Life has been very challenging for me since Christmas. Lots of changes have been taking place. Some would say, my life is simply complete chaos! After a lot of thinking and praying, I made the decision to start homeschooling both of the kids. WHAT WAS I THINKING? LOL I still make sure that my grandmother and great grandmother get to all of their appointments, and you can usually find me in the evenings several nights a week, typing away on dictations for a part-time job in an attempt to make a little extra money. Every dime helps right? It's been really hard for me since Hubby has worked essentially non-stop since December. Don't get me wrong. I am NOT complaining. I am so thankful that he has taken care of me financially since I have gotten sick. I'm not sure where I would be right now without him, and I am extremely grateful that God has blessed him with a job that he loves. All of that said, things can get a little crazy around the house. No, my house is not in tip top shape anymore, and dinner turns in to takeout quite frequently. Guess what I'm learning. .. Who cares that everything is not in perfect orderly fashion. OMG Did I just say that?? My priorities have definately taken a detour in life. If I can thank Fibromyalgia for one thing, it would be that it has truly changed my views on life.
Having Fibro has really opened my eyes and allowed me to appreciate the little things in life. The laughs of my children, the warm cozy fire, the yummy cup of coffee. We live in such a busy chaotic world, that we so often overlook these things. Maybe that's one thing that made me decide to homeschool my children. Every moment with them is precious.

As far as my health, the specialist I had started traveling out of town to see just informed me a few weeks ago that he is closing his practice and going back to work full-time. That leaves me to find a new doctor. Not too many of them out there that specialize in FMS/CFS. None of which are in Columbia and they all cost an arm and a leg. I'm really up in the air about what to do about that situation right now. I am praying really hard on it. I have two more months of medications and I will either have to quit taking them or have found another doctor. Im not sure they are really helping to be honest. They seemed to work miracles the first few weeks, and then back to square one I went. Some days are a complete struggle to get out of bed. The moment my eyes open(if I ever went to sleep) the pain hits. I guess at least knowing that my children are depending on me to drag myself out of bed in the morning, I have a reason to keep going instead of letting this "THING" ruin my life.

I think that above all, my biggest frustruation right now is feeling like people just dont get it. My desire is that more people would make use of the resources that are available these days and Learn about the illnesses and diseases that their friends and family are dealing with. I am fighting the whole disability process right now because our system is so screwed up and they just dont get it.

Anyways, enough of my rambling. I want to say to all of my friends and family that I am very grateful for all of your prayers and concerns. Please know that when days or weeks go by and we dont talk, it's not because I have forgotten about you. I am merely trying to just keep my head afloat, but I think of all of you daily. When I can't make it to a family event or a night out with the friends/girls, please know that it's not that I dont want to be there with you. I would much rather be spending time with you than lying in bed crying and in pain. I Love You All.