Oh My Has it been a LOOOOOOOONG Time!

I had no idea it had been this long since I have blogged anything. WOW Im so ashamed of myself. LOL Time flies when you are in misery everyday. I didnt realize until my friend set up her blog and I logged on to check it out. I promise that before this weekend is over, I will catch everyone up to date. Until then, Loves to all! Christie

One of the Joys in my Life!

It's been quite some time since I have written an update on my life and the feelings of my life, So here goes...

Life has been very challenging for me since Christmas. Lots of changes have been taking place. Some would say, my life is simply complete chaos! After a lot of thinking and praying, I made the decision to start homeschooling both of the kids. WHAT WAS I THINKING? LOL I still make sure that my grandmother and great grandmother get to all of their appointments, and you can usually find me in the evenings several nights a week, typing away on dictations for a part-time job in an attempt to make a little extra money. Every dime helps right? It's been really hard for me since Hubby has worked essentially non-stop since December. Don't get me wrong. I am NOT complaining. I am so thankful that he has taken care of me financially since I have gotten sick. I'm not sure where I would be right now without him, and I am extremely grateful that God has blessed him with a job that he loves. All of that said, things can get a little crazy around the house. No, my house is not in tip top shape anymore, and dinner turns in to takeout quite frequently. Guess what I'm learning. .. Who cares that everything is not in perfect orderly fashion. OMG Did I just say that?? My priorities have definately taken a detour in life. If I can thank Fibromyalgia for one thing, it would be that it has truly changed my views on life.
Having Fibro has really opened my eyes and allowed me to appreciate the little things in life. The laughs of my children, the warm cozy fire, the yummy cup of coffee. We live in such a busy chaotic world, that we so often overlook these things. Maybe that's one thing that made me decide to homeschool my children. Every moment with them is precious.

As far as my health, the specialist I had started traveling out of town to see just informed me a few weeks ago that he is closing his practice and going back to work full-time. That leaves me to find a new doctor. Not too many of them out there that specialize in FMS/CFS. None of which are in Columbia and they all cost an arm and a leg. I'm really up in the air about what to do about that situation right now. I am praying really hard on it. I have two more months of medications and I will either have to quit taking them or have found another doctor. Im not sure they are really helping to be honest. They seemed to work miracles the first few weeks, and then back to square one I went. Some days are a complete struggle to get out of bed. The moment my eyes open(if I ever went to sleep) the pain hits. I guess at least knowing that my children are depending on me to drag myself out of bed in the morning, I have a reason to keep going instead of letting this "THING" ruin my life.

I think that above all, my biggest frustruation right now is feeling like people just dont get it. My desire is that more people would make use of the resources that are available these days and Learn about the illnesses and diseases that their friends and family are dealing with. I am fighting the whole disability process right now because our system is so screwed up and they just dont get it.

Anyways, enough of my rambling. I want to say to all of my friends and family that I am very grateful for all of your prayers and concerns. Please know that when days or weeks go by and we dont talk, it's not because I have forgotten about you. I am merely trying to just keep my head afloat, but I think of all of you daily. When I can't make it to a family event or a night out with the friends/girls, please know that it's not that I dont want to be there with you. I would much rather be spending time with you than lying in bed crying and in pain. I Love You All.

Troubled Times

If you are reading this, please read to the end and be patient with me. The last 4 weeks of my life have been difficult to say the least. I am not a very private person so I plan to spill my guts. Sometimes, in doing so, real healing begins to take place.

Everyone knows that I suffer with chronic health issues and when dealing with issues like that, it can have an effect on everyone in our life. I didnt realize until my husband moved out a month ago, that I had become so self absorbed in dealing with my personal issues that it had driven a wedge between my husband and I. You see, people try to understand how you feel but I guess it really can get on your nerves if someone is complaining and being negative all of the time. I had become that person. I couldn't be supportive and loving towards my husband anymore because all I could deal with or think of was myself. At the same time, Steven's family moved his grandmother from NC to Columbia because she was VERY ill. As her life drew to an end, when he needed me the most, I wasn't there for him. I couldn't get past my own problems. Unable to deal with our marital problems and helping to take care of his grandmother, he moved out about a month ago. ..

He began to shut me out of his life and I couldn't understand why. Well, let me tell you. God has REVEALED himself to me over the past month and began to open my eyes. A month alone, has allowed me nothing but time to pray and reflect on my actions and my marriage. I began a big SELF-study. It has been a time of revelation for me and a lot has been accomplished on the home front. I began to take steps in a positive direction. I am seeing a Rheumatologist in Spartanburg for my illness and he is getting me to the point of being able to deal with my chronic pain and get it to a level that I can at least focus on something other than myself. I have a lawyer now out in Kansas who is the Director for the National Fibromyalgia Coahliton and she has filed my Disability Appeal.

Steven and I were on the road to rebuilding, but last weekend a miscommunication misunderstanding has really set us back. He refuses to even speak to me now. If I were to say one thing to him now, it would be that I am sorry I wasn't there for him and that I Love Him with all of my heart. I am taking a STANDERS point of view on our marriage. Meaning, I will keep my heart and mind focused on my mariatal vows, and leave it in Gods hands. Only God has the ability to change ones heart. My prayer is that he will restore our marriage and that he will bring our family back together. Meantime, I am working and allowing God to change me from the inside out and to teach me to love UNSELFISHLY as he loves every one of his children.

To all of my prayer warriors out there; Prayers result in miracles from God. Please join me in praising God for the positive changes in my life and for the amazing things he is going to accomplish in this marriage...

A Standers Affirmation

I AM STANDING FOR THE HEALING OF MY MARRIAGE!... I will not give up, give in, give out or give over 'til that healing takes place. I made a vow, I said the words, I gave the pledge, I gave a ring, I took a ring, I gave myself, I trusted GOD, and said the words, and meant the words... in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in good times and in bad...so I am standing NOW, and will not sit down, let down, slow down, calm down, fall down, look down or be down 'til the breakdown is torn down!
I refuse to put my eyes on outward circumstances, or listen to prophets of doom, or buy into what is trendy, worldly, popular, convenient, easy, quick, thrifty, or advantageous... nor will I settle for a cheap imitation of God's real thing, nor will I seek to lower God's standard, twist God's will, rewrite God's word, violate God's covenant, or accept what God hates, namely divorce!
In a world of filth, I will stay pure; surrounded by lies I will speak the truth; where hopelessness abounds, I will hope in God: where revenge is easier, I will bless instead of curse; and where the odds are stacked against me, I will trust in God's faithfulness.
I am a STANDER, and I will not acquiesce, compromise, quarrel or quit.. I have made the choice, set my face, entered the race, believed the Word, and trusted God for all the outcome.
I will allow neither the reaction of my spouse, nor the urging of my friends, nor the advice of my loved ones, nor economic hardship, nor the prompting of the devil to make me let up, slow up, blow up, or give up 'til my marriage is healed.
- Author Unknown


If you have made it to the end of all of thism, May God Bless You!!

Christie Lancaster

The Letter to Normals

The Letter To Normals
Hello Family, Friends, and Anyone Wishing to Know Me,

Allow me to begin by thanking you for taking the time out of your day to spend some time with me and get to know me better. A person’s time is their most valuable asset and yours is appreciated.

I want to talk to you about Fibromyalgia (FM) and Chronic Myofascial Pain Syndrome (MPS). Many have never heard of these conditions and for those who have, many are misinformed. And because of this judgments are made that may not be correct… So I ask you to keep an open mind as I try to explain who I am and how FM/MPS has assaulted not only my life but those whom I love as well.

You see, I suffer from a disease that you cannot see; a disease that there is no cure for and that keeps the medical community baffled at how to treat and battle this demon, who’s attacks are relentless. My pain works silently, stealing my joy and replacing it with tears. On the outside we look alike you and I; you wont see my scars as you would a person who, say, had suffered a car accident. You wont see my pain in the way you would a person undergoing chemo for cancer; however, my pain is just as real and just as debilitating. And in many ways my pain may be more destructive because people can’t see it and do not understand....

Please don’t get angry at my seemingly lack of interest in doing things; I punish myself enough I assure you. My tears are shed many times when no one is around. My embarrassment is covered by a joke or laughter, but inside I want to die....

Most of my "friends" are gone; even members of my own family have abandoned me. I have been accused of "playing games" for another’s sympathy. I have been called unreliable because I am forced to cancel plans I made at the last minute because the burning and pain in my legs or arms is so intense I cannot put my clothes on and I am left in my tears as I miss out on yet another activity I used to love and once participated in with enthusiasm.

I feel like a child at times... Just the other day I put the sour cream I bought at the store in the pantry, on the shelf, instead of in the refrigerator; by the time I noticed it, it had spoiled. When I talk to people, many times I lose my train of thought in mid sentence or forget the simplest word needed to explain or describe something. Please try to understand how it feels to have another go behind me in my home to make sure the stove is off after I cook an occasional meal. Please try to understand how it feels to “lose” the laundry, only to find it in the stove instead of the dryer. As I try to maintain my dignity the Demon assaults me at every turn. Please try to understand….

Sleep, when I do get some, is restless and I wake often because of the pain the sheets have on my legs or because I twitch uncontrollably. I walk through many of my days in a daze with the Fibro-fog laughing at me as I stumble and grasp for clarity.

And just because I can do a thing one day, that doesn’t mean I will be able to do the same thing the next day or next week. I may be able to take that walk after dinner on a warm July evening; the next day or even the in the next hour I may not be able to walk to the fridge to get a cold drink because my muscles have begun to cramp and lock up or spasm uncontrollably. And there are those who say “but you did that yesterday!” “What is your problem today?” The hurt I experience at those words scars me so deeply that I have let my family down again; and still they don’t understand….

On a brighter side I want you to know that I still have my sense of humor. If you take the time to spend with me you will see that. I love to tell that joke to make another’s face light up and smile at my wit. I love my kids and grandbabies and shine when they give me my hugs or ask me to fix their favorite toy. I am fun to be with if you will spend the time with me on my own playing field; is this too much to ask? I love you and want nothing more than to be a part of your life. And I have found that I can be a strong friend in many ways. Do you have a dream? I am your friend, your supporter and many times I will be the one to do the research for your latest project; many times I will be your biggest fan and the world will know how proud I am at your accomplishments and how honored I am to have you in my life.

So you see, you and I are not that much different. I too have hopes, dreams, goals… and this demon…. Do you have an unseen demon that assaults you and no one else can see? Have you had to fight a fight that crushes you and brings you to your knees? I will be by your side, win or lose, I promise you that; I will be there in ways that I can. I will give all I can as I can, I promise you that. But I have to do this thing my way. Please understand that I am in such a fight myself and I know that I have little hope of a cure or effective treatments, at least right now. Please understand….

Thank you for spending your time with me today. I hope we can work through this thing, you and I. Please understand that I am just like you… Please understand….

Copyright of www.fibrohugs.org Written by Ronald J. Waller

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Bad, Bad, Day

Well, today started out like any other day. I woke up feeling like I had not yet went to bed. (Kim I know you are reading this and I know you know how that feels!!) I sipped on my wonderfully delicious coffee and decided how I was going to spend my first day in weeks of not having anything "planned" to do. Katelyn was going to spend a few hours with her daddy so I decided that going back to bed was definately on the agenda. Around lunch time, Katelyn smothered me with kisses as she ran out of the door excited to spend the day with her daddy. Approximately 2.2 seconds later the phone rang and it was my grandmother telling me that my great-grandmother was on the way to Columbia(I had just taken her home yesterday) because she was not feeling well. Bless her soul, she is 89 years old and is the most amazing woman. She can can run circles around me any day of the week. Bottom line, me being the nurse and all I needed to go and check her out as soon as she got into town. As I began to change my mode of thinking and wrap my mind around the idea that a nap was now out of the question, I received a call back from my aunt telling me that my grandmother that just called me to let me know that I needed to come and check out my great-grandmother had just experienced another spell and that they needed me right away. I jumped into my clothes, skipping the shower and took off. When I got there, she had slurred speech and severe weakness. It was apparent that she had experienced another mini-stroke. Follow me now. Keep in mind, we were still waiting on my great grandmother to get there so I could evaluate her. Within the hour we had both of them there. They both needed help and my aunt melissa and I began making the phone calls. I would take great-grandmother to her doctor and she would take my grandmother to the Emergency room. Stress, Stress, Stress. Okay, we all go our seperate ways and to sum it all up....... My great-grandmother's BP was outrageous and my grandmother had another mini-stroke.

I got sicker and sicker as the day went on. I did my best to hang in there because everyone needed me, but I eventually cracked at about 8 o clock. My blood pressure was 155/105. I was nauseaus, shaking all over, in lots of pain, and completely exhausted. I made it home and literally fell on the couch. I must have looked like crap because my poor husband asked me if he needed to carry me to the bed. (haha) I seriously doubt he could pick me up!!! Anyways, pain pills are wonderful miracle workers. I am finally relaxed but doubt I will make it out of the bed tomorrow. The hardest part of all of this is that children DO NOT UNDERSTAND!!!! After all of this my 6 years old cried and cried because she couldnt understand why her friend couldn't spend the night with us tonight.

I have thought over the last couple of years that one good thing out of my illnesses has been that I have been able to be there for my grandparents and great grandmother since I have been unable to work. I am the one that takes them to doctor appointments and things of the sort. As I lay here tonight I wonder, who's going to take care of me.

Heavenly Father please continue to give me the strength to be there for my family and continue to make it one day at a time......

This video says so much!