If you are reading this, please read to the end and be patient with me. The last 4 weeks of my life have been difficult to say the least. I am not a very private person so I plan to spill my guts. Sometimes, in doing so, real healing begins to take place.
Everyone knows that I suffer with chronic health issues and when dealing with issues like that, it can have an effect on everyone in our life. I didnt realize until my husband moved out a month ago, that I had become so self absorbed in dealing with my personal issues that it had driven a wedge between my husband and I. You see, people try to understand how you feel but I guess it really can get on your nerves if someone is complaining and being negative all of the time. I had become that person. I couldn't be supportive and loving towards my husband anymore because all I could deal with or think of was myself. At the same time, Steven's family moved his grandmother from NC to Columbia because she was VERY ill. As her life drew to an end, when he needed me the most, I wasn't there for him. I couldn't get past my own problems. Unable to deal with our marital problems and helping to take care of his grandmother, he moved out about a month ago. ..
He began to shut me out of his life and I couldn't understand why. Well, let me tell you. God has REVEALED himself to me over the past month and began to open my eyes. A month alone, has allowed me nothing but time to pray and reflect on my actions and my marriage. I began a big SELF-study. It has been a time of revelation for me and a lot has been accomplished on the home front. I began to take steps in a positive direction. I am seeing a Rheumatologist in Spartanburg for my illness and he is getting me to the point of being able to deal with my chronic pain and get it to a level that I can at least focus on something other than myself. I have a lawyer now out in Kansas who is the Director for the National Fibromyalgia Coahliton and she has filed my Disability Appeal.
Steven and I were on the road to rebuilding, but last weekend a miscommunication misunderstanding has really set us back. He refuses to even speak to me now. If I were to say one thing to him now, it would be that I am sorry I wasn't there for him and that I Love Him with all of my heart. I am taking a STANDERS point of view on our marriage. Meaning, I will keep my heart and mind focused on my mariatal vows, and leave it in Gods hands. Only God has the ability to change ones heart. My prayer is that he will restore our marriage and that he will bring our family back together. Meantime, I am working and allowing God to change me from the inside out and to teach me to love UNSELFISHLY as he loves every one of his children.
To all of my prayer warriors out there; Prayers result in miracles from God. Please join me in praising God for the positive changes in my life and for the amazing things he is going to accomplish in this marriage...
I AM STANDING FOR THE HEALING OF MY MARRIAGE!... I will not give up, give in, give out or give over 'til that healing takes place. I made a vow, I said the words, I gave the pledge, I gave a ring, I took a ring, I gave myself, I trusted GOD, and said the words, and meant the words... in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in good times and in bad...so I am standing NOW, and will not sit down, let down, slow down, calm down, fall down, look down or be down 'til the breakdown is torn down!
I refuse to put my eyes on outward circumstances, or listen to prophets of doom, or buy into what is trendy, worldly, popular, convenient, easy, quick, thrifty, or advantageous... nor will I settle for a cheap imitation of God's real thing, nor will I seek to lower God's standard, twist God's will, rewrite God's word, violate God's covenant, or accept what God hates, namely divorce!
In a world of filth, I will stay pure; surrounded by lies I will speak the truth; where hopelessness abounds, I will hope in God: where revenge is easier, I will bless instead of curse; and where the odds are stacked against me, I will trust in God's faithfulness.
I am a STANDER, and I will not acquiesce, compromise, quarrel or quit.. I have made the choice, set my face, entered the race, believed the Word, and trusted God for all the outcome.
I will allow neither the reaction of my spouse, nor the urging of my friends, nor the advice of my loved ones, nor economic hardship, nor the prompting of the devil to make me let up, slow up, blow up, or give up 'til my marriage is healed.
- Author Unknown
If you have made it to the end of all of thism, May God Bless You!!
Christie Lancaster
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