Troubled Times

If you are reading this, please read to the end and be patient with me. The last 4 weeks of my life have been difficult to say the least. I am not a very private person so I plan to spill my guts. Sometimes, in doing so, real healing begins to take place.

Everyone knows that I suffer with chronic health issues and when dealing with issues like that, it can have an effect on everyone in our life. I didnt realize until my husband moved out a month ago, that I had become so self absorbed in dealing with my personal issues that it had driven a wedge between my husband and I. You see, people try to understand how you feel but I guess it really can get on your nerves if someone is complaining and being negative all of the time. I had become that person. I couldn't be supportive and loving towards my husband anymore because all I could deal with or think of was myself. At the same time, Steven's family moved his grandmother from NC to Columbia because she was VERY ill. As her life drew to an end, when he needed me the most, I wasn't there for him. I couldn't get past my own problems. Unable to deal with our marital problems and helping to take care of his grandmother, he moved out about a month ago. ..

He began to shut me out of his life and I couldn't understand why. Well, let me tell you. God has REVEALED himself to me over the past month and began to open my eyes. A month alone, has allowed me nothing but time to pray and reflect on my actions and my marriage. I began a big SELF-study. It has been a time of revelation for me and a lot has been accomplished on the home front. I began to take steps in a positive direction. I am seeing a Rheumatologist in Spartanburg for my illness and he is getting me to the point of being able to deal with my chronic pain and get it to a level that I can at least focus on something other than myself. I have a lawyer now out in Kansas who is the Director for the National Fibromyalgia Coahliton and she has filed my Disability Appeal.

Steven and I were on the road to rebuilding, but last weekend a miscommunication misunderstanding has really set us back. He refuses to even speak to me now. If I were to say one thing to him now, it would be that I am sorry I wasn't there for him and that I Love Him with all of my heart. I am taking a STANDERS point of view on our marriage. Meaning, I will keep my heart and mind focused on my mariatal vows, and leave it in Gods hands. Only God has the ability to change ones heart. My prayer is that he will restore our marriage and that he will bring our family back together. Meantime, I am working and allowing God to change me from the inside out and to teach me to love UNSELFISHLY as he loves every one of his children.

To all of my prayer warriors out there; Prayers result in miracles from God. Please join me in praising God for the positive changes in my life and for the amazing things he is going to accomplish in this marriage...

A Standers Affirmation

I AM STANDING FOR THE HEALING OF MY MARRIAGE!... I will not give up, give in, give out or give over 'til that healing takes place. I made a vow, I said the words, I gave the pledge, I gave a ring, I took a ring, I gave myself, I trusted GOD, and said the words, and meant the words... in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in good times and in bad...so I am standing NOW, and will not sit down, let down, slow down, calm down, fall down, look down or be down 'til the breakdown is torn down!
I refuse to put my eyes on outward circumstances, or listen to prophets of doom, or buy into what is trendy, worldly, popular, convenient, easy, quick, thrifty, or advantageous... nor will I settle for a cheap imitation of God's real thing, nor will I seek to lower God's standard, twist God's will, rewrite God's word, violate God's covenant, or accept what God hates, namely divorce!
In a world of filth, I will stay pure; surrounded by lies I will speak the truth; where hopelessness abounds, I will hope in God: where revenge is easier, I will bless instead of curse; and where the odds are stacked against me, I will trust in God's faithfulness.
I am a STANDER, and I will not acquiesce, compromise, quarrel or quit.. I have made the choice, set my face, entered the race, believed the Word, and trusted God for all the outcome.
I will allow neither the reaction of my spouse, nor the urging of my friends, nor the advice of my loved ones, nor economic hardship, nor the prompting of the devil to make me let up, slow up, blow up, or give up 'til my marriage is healed.
- Author Unknown


If you have made it to the end of all of thism, May God Bless You!!

Christie Lancaster

The Letter to Normals

The Letter To Normals
Hello Family, Friends, and Anyone Wishing to Know Me,

Allow me to begin by thanking you for taking the time out of your day to spend some time with me and get to know me better. A person’s time is their most valuable asset and yours is appreciated.

I want to talk to you about Fibromyalgia (FM) and Chronic Myofascial Pain Syndrome (MPS). Many have never heard of these conditions and for those who have, many are misinformed. And because of this judgments are made that may not be correct… So I ask you to keep an open mind as I try to explain who I am and how FM/MPS has assaulted not only my life but those whom I love as well.

You see, I suffer from a disease that you cannot see; a disease that there is no cure for and that keeps the medical community baffled at how to treat and battle this demon, who’s attacks are relentless. My pain works silently, stealing my joy and replacing it with tears. On the outside we look alike you and I; you wont see my scars as you would a person who, say, had suffered a car accident. You wont see my pain in the way you would a person undergoing chemo for cancer; however, my pain is just as real and just as debilitating. And in many ways my pain may be more destructive because people can’t see it and do not understand....

Please don’t get angry at my seemingly lack of interest in doing things; I punish myself enough I assure you. My tears are shed many times when no one is around. My embarrassment is covered by a joke or laughter, but inside I want to die....

Most of my "friends" are gone; even members of my own family have abandoned me. I have been accused of "playing games" for another’s sympathy. I have been called unreliable because I am forced to cancel plans I made at the last minute because the burning and pain in my legs or arms is so intense I cannot put my clothes on and I am left in my tears as I miss out on yet another activity I used to love and once participated in with enthusiasm.

I feel like a child at times... Just the other day I put the sour cream I bought at the store in the pantry, on the shelf, instead of in the refrigerator; by the time I noticed it, it had spoiled. When I talk to people, many times I lose my train of thought in mid sentence or forget the simplest word needed to explain or describe something. Please try to understand how it feels to have another go behind me in my home to make sure the stove is off after I cook an occasional meal. Please try to understand how it feels to “lose” the laundry, only to find it in the stove instead of the dryer. As I try to maintain my dignity the Demon assaults me at every turn. Please try to understand….

Sleep, when I do get some, is restless and I wake often because of the pain the sheets have on my legs or because I twitch uncontrollably. I walk through many of my days in a daze with the Fibro-fog laughing at me as I stumble and grasp for clarity.

And just because I can do a thing one day, that doesn’t mean I will be able to do the same thing the next day or next week. I may be able to take that walk after dinner on a warm July evening; the next day or even the in the next hour I may not be able to walk to the fridge to get a cold drink because my muscles have begun to cramp and lock up or spasm uncontrollably. And there are those who say “but you did that yesterday!” “What is your problem today?” The hurt I experience at those words scars me so deeply that I have let my family down again; and still they don’t understand….

On a brighter side I want you to know that I still have my sense of humor. If you take the time to spend with me you will see that. I love to tell that joke to make another’s face light up and smile at my wit. I love my kids and grandbabies and shine when they give me my hugs or ask me to fix their favorite toy. I am fun to be with if you will spend the time with me on my own playing field; is this too much to ask? I love you and want nothing more than to be a part of your life. And I have found that I can be a strong friend in many ways. Do you have a dream? I am your friend, your supporter and many times I will be the one to do the research for your latest project; many times I will be your biggest fan and the world will know how proud I am at your accomplishments and how honored I am to have you in my life.

So you see, you and I are not that much different. I too have hopes, dreams, goals… and this demon…. Do you have an unseen demon that assaults you and no one else can see? Have you had to fight a fight that crushes you and brings you to your knees? I will be by your side, win or lose, I promise you that; I will be there in ways that I can. I will give all I can as I can, I promise you that. But I have to do this thing my way. Please understand that I am in such a fight myself and I know that I have little hope of a cure or effective treatments, at least right now. Please understand….

Thank you for spending your time with me today. I hope we can work through this thing, you and I. Please understand that I am just like you… Please understand….

Copyright of www.fibrohugs.org Written by Ronald J. Waller

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Bad, Bad, Day

Well, today started out like any other day. I woke up feeling like I had not yet went to bed. (Kim I know you are reading this and I know you know how that feels!!) I sipped on my wonderfully delicious coffee and decided how I was going to spend my first day in weeks of not having anything "planned" to do. Katelyn was going to spend a few hours with her daddy so I decided that going back to bed was definately on the agenda. Around lunch time, Katelyn smothered me with kisses as she ran out of the door excited to spend the day with her daddy. Approximately 2.2 seconds later the phone rang and it was my grandmother telling me that my great-grandmother was on the way to Columbia(I had just taken her home yesterday) because she was not feeling well. Bless her soul, she is 89 years old and is the most amazing woman. She can can run circles around me any day of the week. Bottom line, me being the nurse and all I needed to go and check her out as soon as she got into town. As I began to change my mode of thinking and wrap my mind around the idea that a nap was now out of the question, I received a call back from my aunt telling me that my grandmother that just called me to let me know that I needed to come and check out my great-grandmother had just experienced another spell and that they needed me right away. I jumped into my clothes, skipping the shower and took off. When I got there, she had slurred speech and severe weakness. It was apparent that she had experienced another mini-stroke. Follow me now. Keep in mind, we were still waiting on my great grandmother to get there so I could evaluate her. Within the hour we had both of them there. They both needed help and my aunt melissa and I began making the phone calls. I would take great-grandmother to her doctor and she would take my grandmother to the Emergency room. Stress, Stress, Stress. Okay, we all go our seperate ways and to sum it all up....... My great-grandmother's BP was outrageous and my grandmother had another mini-stroke.

I got sicker and sicker as the day went on. I did my best to hang in there because everyone needed me, but I eventually cracked at about 8 o clock. My blood pressure was 155/105. I was nauseaus, shaking all over, in lots of pain, and completely exhausted. I made it home and literally fell on the couch. I must have looked like crap because my poor husband asked me if he needed to carry me to the bed. (haha) I seriously doubt he could pick me up!!! Anyways, pain pills are wonderful miracle workers. I am finally relaxed but doubt I will make it out of the bed tomorrow. The hardest part of all of this is that children DO NOT UNDERSTAND!!!! After all of this my 6 years old cried and cried because she couldnt understand why her friend couldn't spend the night with us tonight.

I have thought over the last couple of years that one good thing out of my illnesses has been that I have been able to be there for my grandparents and great grandmother since I have been unable to work. I am the one that takes them to doctor appointments and things of the sort. As I lay here tonight I wonder, who's going to take care of me.

Heavenly Father please continue to give me the strength to be there for my family and continue to make it one day at a time......

This video says so much!

Fibromyalgia Fast Facts

Fibromyalgia: Fast Facts
Reviewed By: Vikas Garg, M.D., MSA

Fibromyalgia is a chronic pain syndrome in which the central nervous system translates non-painful stimuli into pain.

It affects 2 to 4 percent of the U.S. population, according to the American College of Rheumatology.

It can affect females and males of all races and ages, including children. However, fibromyalgia is most common in women over the age of 30.

A range of symptoms may occur, including widespread and localized pain, fatigue, sleep problems and mood disturbances such as depression and anxiety. These symptoms vary in intensity and come and go over time.

Fibromyalgia is a disorder of muscles, not of joints.

Certain conditions, such as poor sleep, fatigue, overexertion and anxiety, may aggravate the symptoms. Though fibromyalgia is not a progressive or life-threatening condition, it affects quality of life.

The cause or causes of fibromyalgia are not known. However, there are many theories, including abnormalities in brain chemicals, infections, trauma, genetics and hormonal changes.

Fibromyalgia cannot be identified through laboratory tests. The American College of Rheumatology has established two criteria for its diagnosis: widespread pain and the presence of 11 of 18 specified tender points (or trigger points).

Other conditions with similar symptoms include polymyalgia rheumatica, myofascial pain syndrome, chronic fatigue syndrome, hypothyroidism, lupus, sarcoidosis and rheumatoid arthritis.

There is no known cure for fibromyalgia, but the symptoms can be treated. Medications such as, antidepressants, anticonvulsants and sometimes pain relievers may help. Proper nutrition, exercise and sleeping habits also play important roles in treatment of fibromyalgia. Some complementary treatments such as massage, acupuncture, relaxation techniques, biofeedback and hypnosis may also help some people.

The rate of disability for fibromyalgia patients may be as high as 44 percent, according to the Arthritis Foundation.

Fibromyalgia is the second most common disorder seen by rheumatologists and among the most common causes of widespread, chronic pain.

This is an AWESOME letter posted by a fellow fibromyalgia sufferer

A LETTER TO THE HEALTHY WORLD FROM THE LAND OF CHRONIC PAIN AND FATIGUE

If you were born with healthy genes, you may know me but you don’t understand me. I was not as lucky as you. I inherited the predisposition to chronic pain, fatigue and forgetfulness. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia (FMS) after months, years or even decades of mysterious physical and emotional problems. Because you didn’t know how sick I was, you called me lazy, a malingerer, or simply ridiculous. If you have the time to read on, I would like to help you understand how different I am from you.


WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT ME

1. My pain - My pain is not your pain. It is not caused by inflammation. Taking your arthritis medication will not help me. I can not work my pain out or shake it off. It is not even a pain that stays put. Today it is in my shoulder, but tomorrow it may be in my foot or gone. My pain is believed to be caused by improper signals sent to the brain, possibly due to sleep disorders. It is not well understood, but it is real.

2. My fatigue - I am not merely tired. I am often in a severe state of exhaustion. I may want to participate in physical activities, but I can’t. Please do not take this personally. If you saw me shopping in the mall yesterday, but I can’t help you with yard work today, it isn’t because I don’t want to. I am, most likely, paying the price for stressing my muscles beyond their capability.

3. My forgetfulness - Those of us who suffer from it call it fibrofog. I may not remember your name, but I do remember you. I may not remember what I promised to do for you, even though you told me just seconds ago. My problem has nothing to do with my age but may be related to sleep deprivation. I do not have a selective memory. On some days, I just don’t have any short-term memory at all.

4. My clumsiness - If I step on your toes or run into you five times in a crowd, I am not purposely targeting you. I do not have the muscle control for that. If you are behind me on the stairs, please be patient. These days, I take life and stairwells one step at a time.

5. My sensitivities - I just can’t stand it! "It" could be any number of things: bright sunlight, loud or high-pitched noises, odors. FMS has been called the "aggravating everything disorder." So don’t make me open the drapes or listen to your child scream. I really can’t stand it.

6. My intolerance - I can’t stand heat, either. Or humidity. If I am a man, I sweat...profusely. If I am a lady, I perspire. Both are equally embarrassing, so please don’t feel compelled to point this shortcoming out to me. I know. And don’t be surprised if I shake uncontrollably when it’s cold. I don’t tolerate cold, either. My internal thermostat is broken, and nobody knows how to fix it.

7. My depression - Yes, there are days when I would rather stay in bed or in the house or die. I have lost count of how many of Dr. Kevorkian’s patients suffered from FMS as well as other related illnesses. Severe, unrelenting pain can cause depression. Your sincere concern and understanding can pull me back from the brink. Your snide remarks can tip me over the edge.

8. My stress - My body does not handle stress well. If I have to give up my job, work part time, or handle my responsibilities from home, I’m not lazy. Everyday stresses make my symptoms worse and can incapacitate me completely.

9. My weight - I may be fat or I may be skinny. Either way, it is not by choice. My body is not your body. My appestat is broken, and nobody can tell me how to fix it.

10. My need for therapy - If I get a massage every week, don’t envy me. My massage is not your massage. Consider how a massage would feel if that charley horse you had in your leg last week was all over your body. Massaging it out was very painful, but it had to be done. My body is knot-filled. If I can stand the pain, regular massage can help, at least temporarily.

11. My good days - If you see me smiling and functioning normally, don’t assume I am well. I suffer from a chronic pain and fatigue illness with no cure. I can have my good days or weeks or even months. In fact, the good days are what keeps me going.

12. My uniqueness - Even those who suffer from FMS are not alike. That means I may not have all of the problems mentioned above. I do have pain above and below the waist and on both sides of my body which has lasted for a very long time. I may have migraines or hip pain or shoulder pain or knee pain, but I do not have exactly the same pain as anyone else.
I hope that this helps you understand me, but if you still doubt my pain, your local bookstore, library and the internet have many good books and articles on fibromyalgia.
Author’s note: This letter is based on communications with people throughout the world, males and females, who suffer from fibromyalgia. It does not represent any one of the over 10,000,000 people with FMS, but it can help the healthy person understand how devastating this illness can be. Please do not take these people and their pain lightly. You wouldn’t want to spend even a day in their shoes... or their bodies.

Purpose of This Blog

For years, when I would get frustruated I would sit in bed and write out all of my feelings and frustruations. I hate to admit that I have a whole lot of them. A fellow Fibromyalgia/CFS sufferer started a blog and it occurred to me that it would be a great opportunity for me to vent. Well, I passed it off and something happened today that brought it all to the surface for me. I am a daily user of facebook and a Note was posted that indicated various reasons why people would delete someone as their friend on facebook or simply hide their posts so that they didn't show up on their page. One of the reasons listed was that they got sick and tired of people posting about their illnesses, pains, emotional struggles, etc... Yes, I got fired up. MAD was not the word for it. I was offended on a personal level and for others who use facebook and other internet means to connect with friends for daily emotional support and encouragement. These people are supposed to be your friends. I thought to myself, today is the day that I step forward and work on a means of not only venting, but working on things to bring awareness to others about Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue, and helping others to know what it's like to live with these illnesses on a daily basis. If no one chooses to read any of this, then I have lost nothing. I have still developed an outlet for my daily struggles as I survive one more day trapped in this body....



So, for now I am in search of the best overall descriptions of Fibromyalgia and CFS so that we have a starting point to go from. In the mean time, May God Bless all of you reading this and grab a hold to someone struggling with a Chronic Health Problem and just let them know that you care.